An Inevitable Outcome
by dustygun
Summary: "The words he had spoken echoed in her head all night.  Mudblood.  Those two syllables, ricocheting and rebounding off the walls of her mind, repeating themselves  over and over. " Lily after the incident by the lake. Drabble.


The words he had spoken echoed in her head all night.

Mudblood. _Mudblood._

Those two syllables, ricocheting and rebounding off the walls of her mind, repeating themselves over and over.

At first she had blinked away her shock, and carried on as if the words uttered made no difference.

But then realisation crept in and she found herself utterly humiliated and surrounded by a group of people. And she realised, as her throat burnt, how much it _hurt. _But she couldn't show that now, couldn't break out in tears in front of everyone, couldn't show him how much he hurt her, and how much he therefore meant (means) to her (because her feelings obviously weren't reciprocated, and that hurt, too). So she took it out on Potter. Yes, she could yell at Potter, blame him for her best friend's betrayal (she had no other option at that moment anyway).

After finding only more humiliation at Potter's hands, no longer able to escape the reality of the reason behind her clammy hands, thumping chest and stinging eyes, she turned promptly on her heel and marched away, trying to swallow that _god damn_ lump in her throat that seemed so intent on bulging. All calls of "Evans!" whether from friend or foe (she didn't know nor care) were drowned out by the echo of _that _word.

And now, two hours later, that blasted word had only gotten louder, and the pillow which had comforted her face for that time had only gotten wetter.

The whole situation had been so surreal: just that morning her and Sev (Snape, she reminded herself, she would now get in the habit of calling him Snape. She doubted the nickname had much of a future) had been testing each other before their defence OWL's, joking easily. And now? She lay alone in her dorm, contemplating the end of a friendship that had sustained her through the biggest parts of her life: her longest, _closest_, most valued friendship ever.

But thinking back on the past few months, she couldn't deny that things had changed. The atmosphere everywhere was tenser, rumours flying around, people becoming suspicious. It certainly had caused for a few riffs and rows between her and Sev (Snape, she reprimanded). His ideas and acquaintances had always been a concern of hers, but she tried to brush them to the side, not let them get too far in the way of their friendship. For after all, if she didn't have _his _friendship, whose did she have? But now she could see that it had been a mistake. She had attempted to throw a blanket over herself, ignore the reality. And what for? To have it thrown back in her face? It most definitely had been now.

The tears started to make a return. Was this really the end? The end of the relationship that had been the closest comfort to her, that had brought her into this absurd world that was now her home? Yes, she answered for herself. The previously ignored inevitable had occurred. No more time with the boy that she not only spent all her school days with, but all home time and holidays as well. The one who knew her fears, her concerns, all about her family, and she the same to him. She _needed _him, his friendship, his familiar face. It was he that had been the constant in her life since childhood. And to think that one word could take all of that away.

She wandered what he was feeling now. Would he be as utterly devastated as she was? No, of course not. If their friendship meant as much to her as him, he wouldn't have said what he did: someone who cares that much about another does not voice such horrid.. _insults,_ no matter the pressure, she rationalised. But this hurt just as much, and her cheeks continued to dampen. To realise that the one person that you truly cared the most for did not care in return was a truly horrible thing.

And she knew, as she cried, that this was the end of it. The end of the days of Lily and Sev, the new discoveries, the holidays in the park, the studying sessions, the secret sharing. The end of her first true friendship. Because there was no turning back.. and she knew that. It was evident, always had been, she had just forced herself to ignore it. He was set in his path, of discrimination and thirst for power and manipulation. She had only hoped that she could save him from it, stopped him travelling along it in the first place.

But she could turn a blind eye no longer, and had more dignity than to have her face rubbed in the dirt again. And as much as it hurt, as much as it bloody well _stung, _it was something that had to be done, something that had to end. He had made the decision for her.

So when Mary McDonald timidly rapped on the door, alerting her that a certain Severus Snape was determinedly lurking outside the portrait hole, she sat up, wiped her face, forced a straight posture and emotionless demeanour, and greeted him coldly, with her mind completely made up. Her resolve did not falter as she watched him beg, she did not appease his pleas for forgiveness. She just watched, as the one thing she had trusted came to an end.

She left him, emotionlessly, not regretting her decision. As she entered the common room, and her eyes threatened to glass over, she kept her cheeks dry, her head focused straight ahead, as to not see anything that would trigger the emotion willing to explode. She walked directly past her fellow Gryffindors, not seeing the looks of pity from her dorm mates, nor the genuinely concerned and apologetic expression on James Potter's face. She kept her cool right until she shut her dorm door behind her, which was when she let the tears run free, barrelling into her bed, sobbing into her quilt for the empty room to hear and not emerging until the following morning. Even then, the person she would have normally gone to for comfort was noticably absent.


End file.
